Why I say the word "death"

Okay. I’d like you to take a deep breath. What I’m about to say may sting a little.

(Ready?)

WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.

That’s right. DIE.

Death comes to us all. No-one is getting out alive.

Recently, I was discussing with a friend whether, after working in end-of-life every day, I’ve become desensitised to death.

We agreed that the opposite is more likely true. Perhaps it’s not that I have become desensitised, but that much of our society is so completely averse to even the vaguest hint of death, the merest whisper of dying. (Sorry if that has a strong whiff of “it’s not me, it’s you” vibes).

We protect ourselves from the sadness and fear of death by speaking in euphemisms – someone is lost or has passed away, rather than simply saying they died. Words matter. Every time we choose "passed away" instead of "died", we reinforce the idea that death is too frightening to name.

Death is long overdue a rebrand.

On one of my favourite episodes of the Karuna Hospice podcast What About Death?, Emeritus Professor Roly Sussex discusses how our use of language and visual representations of death has contributed to creating the most negative concept in the English language.

Think black clothing. Morbid funeral processions. Grim Reapers (every culture has one). Skulls and skeletons. The stereotype and associations are plentiful and awful - death is long overdue for a rebrand. And while I know deeply that death is sad, I don't always believe death is bad.

The reality is dying and death are perfectly normal. It’s what our bodies are designed to do! Just as a flower blooms, fades and dies, so too will we.

My aim is to remove some of the fear around death by bringing light and colour to what has become a dark and secretive world. Which includes saying the word death.

The more we avoid the language of death, the more frightening it becomes.

When we speak the words out loud – dying, died, dead – we take away a little of their power, making room for honest conversations and ultimately, a little less fear.  

By being more mindful that death hopefully-isn’t-but-absolutely-could-be just around the corner, we give ourselves permission to stop putting off the things we most want to do in our lives.

Memento mori. Remember you will die.

Let the reminder that you won't live forever lift you up, rather than bring you down.